I keep returning to my high school graduation day and dreaming. It may be the romance of a past era, it might be the words of an 80s track reverberating but no matter what it is, the dream is there...
I remember the mixed feelings of regret and excitement all playing together in some kind of weird symphony....the kind you'd get when an orchestra backs Guns N' Roses.
I want the feeling back that I'm on the verge of a new and exciting adventure. The dream that life could take me anywhere and the hope of developing a new identity.
Strange to say, two decades out of high school I still long to be my own person. It seems that life has just happened to me for so long and I have not been pro-active in making things happen.
Things need to change. Radically
I have never been a fan of change for change sake but it seems there is too much more to be experienced than lives inside my tiny bubble.
Herein lies the problem.
I have a mild work addiction.
In my attempt to rebuilt my life I have spent nearly every waking moment either at work or thinking about getting back there. I'm all for being fiscally responsible but the process is grinding me down and there are moments when I feel I could explode unless something changes.
I like the structure that a busy work life brings. I like planning for holidays way down the track to give me something to look forward to. In fact, I have already enjoyed two of such holidays, one of which I wrote about here. Walking the streets of America and sharing coffee and diet coke with friends are experiences I shall never forget. What I long for is more of that excitement and spontaneity amongst the daily grind.
The mountain top moments must remain but the valleys must be raised.
Onward and upward....