tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46548425861606387652024-02-08T02:40:07.471+08:00Simon from the 70sFor those of you who thought life was messy and complicated, come and join the party. There's plenty of 80s music and some weird guy rambling and writing in the corner. So here goes...Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-42997006204042994582012-11-20T18:42:00.000+08:002012-11-20T18:46:46.467+08:00On Friends, Real Life Meet-Ups & 80s Music<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">What do outdated music lyrics, healthcare and Social Media have in common….</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">For so long it seems that I have been trying to figure out the answer. That was until I realized that I didn’t care to discover it.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">So much of living with a chronic illness is a game of hit and miss. We spend hours of our lives in doctors offices and crunching facts and figures. We adjust medical regimens, juggle appointments and split hairs over minute detail, all in the quest to find the “perfect” balance</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">The medical world is filled with buzz words that often filter through to our lives as patients. I hear the words “consumer”, “pharma”, “research study” and “best patient outcome” and my eyes start to glaze over. The fact is, I am not at the coal face of medical research and I never will be. I am just an “average Joe” with average needs. The need to be accepted, loved and understood. For me these are issues compounded by living with a chronic illness.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; font-size: large; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">Backing up a couple of years I must have been a model of a “noncompliant patient”. Ignoring all of the best medical advice and the words of longsuffering friends I found myself getting sicker and sicker. With the passing of time my world became smaller and smaller. From having so much to live for, my goal became getting through to the next week. As weeks passed and little changed I dreamed of making it through to the next day, then the next hour, until eventually all I longed for was a death that would not come</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">With very little to no eyesight left, my world had well and truly fallen apart. Unable to go out, to drive or to work I soon found my closest friends abandoning me. Coming to terms with a chronic illness and the rapid onset of chronic complications it seemed I was all alone with nowhere to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Defeated and detached from all means of emotional support I quickly sank into the mire of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>depression</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">Here is where I found Social Media. It was not about folk moping around feeling sorry for themselves but real people. Real people living their real lives. Unable to do much else, I drank in their virtual presence. For the first time in a long time people took an interest in me. They understood me not for my medical condition but for all of me, my warped sense of humour, love of all things 80s and the physical toll diabetes had taken on my body.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;">Somehow being amongst friends I began to take an interest in my own health. There was no gun to my head, no threatening words of medical professionals just the realization that for the first time in too long, life was worth living. That there were people who cared about all of me, who in turn I cared about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A friend of mine captured my first real life meeting with many of these folk last year n Kansas City. Thanks to Sara from “</span><a href="http://momentsofwonderful.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Moments of Wonder</span></a><span style="font-size: large;">ful” </span></span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have included a link to that </span><a href="http://momentsofwonderful.com/2011/10/you-make-a-difference/" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">here</span></a><span style="font-size: large;">. </span></span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">Social Media is connecting the dots. It is bringing together people who share a common condition and taking their minds off that condition. It is empowering, eye opening and life transforming. Add to this the input of pharmaceutical companies and health care professionals and the circle is complete. </span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;">This week Australia held its first ever Diabetes Social Media Summit. It was an opportunity for a group of Australians <span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">to sit around a table with representatives from pharma and medical professionals and share stories. It was no hollow talk fest filled with buzz words but an opportunity for individuals with an online presence to connect in real life. </span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">While the many stories to come out of the summit are yet to be told I came away feeling excited and empowered. I’m excited to see so many people singing from the same song sheet. I’m excited to see Social Media bringing more people in from a world of isolation and confusion and empowered to do more to expand its influence.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">So the frivolous tweets of 80s lyrics continue but now they continue with a new passion. I feel the tide turning and folk coming together We’re putting behind the petty differences that so often separate us and uniting to help each other. We’re providing a network of support to fall back upon in times of crisis and a word of encouragement when it’s most needed. </span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-76300113986820464852012-10-18T18:58:00.000+08:002012-10-18T19:02:14.956+08:00Trouble in ParadiseOccasionally try as I may to avoid it, there are troubles in my tiny world. This week has seen it's fair share.<br />
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I consider myself very blessed and "lucky" in nearly every respect. I have no real responsibilities, a job that allows me a regular income and enough "tech" gadgets to keep me connected to the cyber world. With the passage of time I have grown more comfortable with my low station in life. While I battle away in a dead end job with no real career prospects, I appreciate every minute of it having lost that ability for so long with a list of medical issues.<br />
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This week has driven home again just how tenuous my grip on "health" is. It all started with an incorrect number. The incorrectly noted third digit in my phone number that prevented my doctor contacting me directly. My usual host of blood tests had shown some alarming results....enough to send my endo into a frantic spin trying contact me. With my nominated next of kin out of the country and having not updated my address, things soon got out of hand. When said next of kin arrived back on Monday I received a call to hightail it in to the doctors in the morning.<br />
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Cutting to the chase my A1C is all kinds of dysfunctional, there are unexplained anomilies in other areas and I have once again boarded the carousel to medical oblivion. Fortunately I have long ago trodden the path so I am ready for what lies ahead. More tests, abnormal results, no firm diagnosis and the inevitable advice that the damage of years past cannot be undone.<br />
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Frankly I'm a little sick of it....truth be told I'm very much sick of it. I have no qualms with medical professionals. I consider myself very blessed to live in a country with an amazing public health care system. I just get sick of always running into dead ends. I'm angry at myself for the years of "diabetc abuse" and getting unwelcome reminders just serves to reinforce that fact.<br />
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I messed up and I want a take back....<br />
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I want to take back the wasted years. Take back the health that is so far from me. Take back the disregarded advice from friends long ago and start over. Unfortunately the real world does not allow for such take backs. I have made myself a medical bed and I must now lie in it.<br />
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I'm tired of getting old. I'm tired of being single and I'm just plain tired. <br />
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I'm not sure if there is a solution for every problem, in truth I don't care. I just want to take some time being mad; mad at the world, mad at myself, mad at my boss, mad at my rapidly ageing body...just plain mad<br />
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So here I am. Single, mad and tired. Let's see what lies around the next corner..Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-10182591119445239392012-10-01T18:44:00.000+08:002012-10-01T18:53:21.510+08:00There's something about...<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There's something about the open road that defies description. The feeling of the ground rushing by under you, of the path opening up around a bend, of sunrise on a distant, unobscured horizon.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ_uwZtwB90w_OWlV-EdPYIZ0Ziszy31Mthgf5YtCXGY-72CbR_qo4zkimCQL0KEHaqyg2JpfxO-GVSTmPPwbHVPXdiaZGQyUoj1GsDkePeHD-DmpjYWnZxp7vphpPC2pUb5FOzIr6hFcT/s1600/p1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ_uwZtwB90w_OWlV-EdPYIZ0Ziszy31Mthgf5YtCXGY-72CbR_qo4zkimCQL0KEHaqyg2JpfxO-GVSTmPPwbHVPXdiaZGQyUoj1GsDkePeHD-DmpjYWnZxp7vphpPC2pUb5FOzIr6hFcT/s320/p1.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There's something about the rushing breeze through your hair on a wind swept beach. The sound of the crashing waves, the deep blue of ocean waters, the yellow sand stretching out for miles on end.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4plVNAB2iQA6WGAF9xNlh5MuqwjmJcKpJviUwz1hVWylP7bjOiTqwpxm6vBMHBhYKqQb1TzkAtFUcNPk2SjfkCgohwq0X6bPrEtyp9pf5G6kXtc4kiE7RJxLcnlWfNrljJnd93oJWUKmm/s1600/IMG_1657.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4plVNAB2iQA6WGAF9xNlh5MuqwjmJcKpJviUwz1hVWylP7bjOiTqwpxm6vBMHBhYKqQb1TzkAtFUcNPk2SjfkCgohwq0X6bPrEtyp9pf5G6kXtc4kiE7RJxLcnlWfNrljJnd93oJWUKmm/s320/IMG_1657.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There's something about time spent with close friends. The irreplaceable feeling that someone on this lonely planet understands your messed up life. A moment of connection where secrets are shared and in the process problems are halved.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7aplbvJp_a8LcPA03pQZMTrwUJ2ZkYIZEwp31kNArhesxOeg-cTNZ7_zurTNf_AWEKsPDEYlSOAd9NANSS4EkhHL2Eo_e74P5elxcUPgZ8RfBe1BMWydWWp_sqfb1eDQJFA9H16JyWeCh/s1600/IMG_1369.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7aplbvJp_a8LcPA03pQZMTrwUJ2ZkYIZEwp31kNArhesxOeg-cTNZ7_zurTNf_AWEKsPDEYlSOAd9NANSS4EkhHL2Eo_e74P5elxcUPgZ8RfBe1BMWydWWp_sqfb1eDQJFA9H16JyWeCh/s320/IMG_1369.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There's something about music and film that releases pent up emotion. A moving guitar solo, an emotive scene or a poignant silence. There's something about a well constructed song that carries you to a different place. To a moment decades earlier, to a fond memory lost in the distant past..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.dailyfilmdose.com/2012/08/good-will-hunting.html" target="_blank">Photo Credit</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">These are the things that I strive for. Amongst the many unfulfilled dreams that lay strewn across the road of my life, these are the things that make it worthwhile.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I may never arrive, or actually approach a destination but for now I'm enjoying the open road. I'm holding on to each moment. I'm savouring the miraculous and finding meaning in the mundane. I'm basking in the warmth of close friends and awaiting the next twist on the unchartered road ahead...</span></div>
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Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-32842848278352944772012-09-15T17:24:00.002+08:002012-10-01T18:49:39.436+08:00Moving goal posts<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">I feel the goal posts moving and it’s making me uncomfortable.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">It seems no matter what I do or where I go, I keep looking back to the past. To blindness. To vitreous bleeds. To cataracts. To DKA.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">Sickness is an incredibly grounding experience. It forces you to rethink your priorities and set new goals.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">For me, many of these goals were small almost tiny milestones. Just one more day. Getting through to the next hour. Enduring another sleepless night. The boredom and mind numbing feeling of being house bound and unable to navigate your way to places like the television or the radio.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">Arriving for my first ever consult with an ophthalmologist, I cut a sad and solitary figure. Weeks of unsuccessfully wishing to die had led me to that appointment. At that point I was uncertain if I would ever regain my sight. To be honest I don’t think I really cared. I had fallen so low and so far I had lost track of what was normal or what was real. All I saw were dark lines in my vision and dark shadows obscuring the future.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">As the weeks became months I began to dream of a better day. Consult after consult seemed to indicate that the impossible could be achieved. That through surgery and intensive LASER my vision loss may not be permanent.</span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">I dared to dream. For the first time in a couple of years I HAD a dream. It was a tiny “light” but it was real and I ran with it...</span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">Four months from that first consult I lay in a pre-operative ward awaiting a vitrectomy. Having seen so many things go wrong, I tried hard to keep my hopes in check. To take things a day at a time until hours later I emerged from surgery.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>After more months of waiting and two more surgeries I eventually emerged with “new” eyes. </span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> </span><br />
<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">I COULD SEE…..and all I wanted to do was shout from the roof tops and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvzaR_MZcC0" target="_blank">sing</a>. To get into my car and drive. To stand on the beach at sunset. To let the soaking rain wash over my body. To breathe in the fresh country air on a brisk winter’s morning.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> </span><br />
<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">I was unemployed and barely alive but I could see and that was enough for me. I was blissfully happy and nothing could wipe the smile from my face.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> </span><br />
<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">I literally emerged from that process without a worry in the world. I didn’t care what people thought of me. I didn’t care about the horrid state of the economy. I didn’t care that I had fallen years behind my peers in achieving career goals….heck I didn’t even care that I was old and single….<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"></span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">I could see<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">I could see<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">I could see</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> </span><br />
<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">Having said all of this I have lost “sight” of my new life. I gained my vision but lost my sight.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">I have lost the feeling of wonder at taking in a sunrise. I have forgotten the joy of having and being able to go to work. I have forgotten the pure exultation of walking in the rain
<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">and moved on from moments of connection with people that far out rank career progress…<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> </span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">So the line has been drawn.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">I’m taking the time to remember. I’m taking an occasional day off to bask in the sunshine. I’m taking road trips just because I can. I’m forgetting my station in life and dead end job that I might appreciate the things I once passed by. </span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> </span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">I am alive and it is good….</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-26728504372736767412012-09-11T16:53:00.001+08:002012-10-01T18:50:07.010+08:00Here I go againGetting old is no fun. Getting old with complications from a chronic illness is miserable and doing that alone well...<br />
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I'm not really sure when it started but seemingly overnight, everyone is younger than me. They're achieving great things, living their dreams and there I remain, seemingly frozen in time.<br />
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When it comes to music I'm happy to be left behind. The young folk can have their rap and funk. They can beat box along to their synthesized tunes, I'm perfectly happy to enjoy some 80s classics. I joke about music tastes with some of my work mates as they snigger at my real music with real words. Music is my link to the past and a time where the world was seemingly at my feet and anything was possible..<br />
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Since high school I had dreams of finding the woman of my dreams, building a life and growing old together. To this point I remain <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJHzvhqVfyI" target="_blank">alone</a>. Hopeful but alone. <br />
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For too long now I have been putting off some things in the hope that some poor soul would wander into my life. That was until this past weekend.<br />
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The first weekend of spring brought with it perfect weather. Having cunningly devised a rare weekend off, clear skies called me to get out and about. Tentatively, I got in to my car and headed for the hills.<br />
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It's time to do some things.<br />
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It's time to do the things I've been putting off. It's time to take that long car trip I dreamed of sharing with someone. It's time to book a holiday on my own terms. It's time to be me. Old, rusty and 80s child, me...<br />
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While the empty passenger seat still grates on me I'm making an effort to move on. The fairy tale may never eventuate. The perfect woman may remain locked away in my dreams. <br />
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Life is too short to wait around for perfect situations that may never occur. The sun is shining and I am alive. I'm winding the window down, cranking up some classic 80s and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_kRVHkPmJw" target="_blank">hitting the road</a>.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXAP7R6Ml7V3H8AjIq5sksA_7fRGXfw-uEj49yqRdPWf-7IO4oclrekwQKdDLWZy5GEvJSuNJ0K1ZKIVNfDl0cz0Qqx_jSL2VrBbdUN3zlD6OU7CsIvUpl8RuiGruh9cLfLYQrKwMDagVd/s1600/IMG_0297.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXAP7R6Ml7V3H8AjIq5sksA_7fRGXfw-uEj49yqRdPWf-7IO4oclrekwQKdDLWZy5GEvJSuNJ0K1ZKIVNfDl0cz0Qqx_jSL2VrBbdUN3zlD6OU7CsIvUpl8RuiGruh9cLfLYQrKwMDagVd/s320/IMG_0297.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Let's see how this story ends...</span>Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-63052618641809015742012-09-09T15:48:00.001+08:002012-10-01T18:50:51.481+08:00A Belgian, Australian and a Hoosier walk into a bar..<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">Life has a funny way of throwing up curve balls at inopportune times.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Over the past couple of years like everyone, I have faced my fair share. This particular event occurred on my most recent US holiday in the summer of 2012.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Track back a little over nine months and I stood on the verge of my first ever overseas holiday Having overcome blindness, DKA and near death I arrived in Kansas City to be greeted by the kindest and most incredible folk I could ever hope to meet, many of whom had travelled vast distances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a rare chance for mutual online friends to catch up in real life and to use an Australian colloquialism, “chew the fat”.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>One such person resides in Mid Western America and having returned home, I resolved to drop by on my next visit. Booking well in advance I arranged my single spare weekend to fly out to Indianapolis and touch base. When the day finally came, like all responsible travelers I arrived at the airport hours in advance. A foreign airport in a foreign country en route to a city I had never visited….</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So far so good. It’s perfectly normal to fly vast distances to meet strangers after all, right?</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Arriving at the crowded departure gate I took up the only available seat and contemplated the journey ahead. As I waited I struck up a conversation with a Belgian business man also en route to Indianapolis to close out a deal.</span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">With an initial delay to the flight we headed off to eat some early dinner both anxious to arrive at our planned destination. It was then that one of those curve balls came “flying” by. (Pardon the pun).</span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"></span> </div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Returning to the gate we found our delayed flight further delayed and as storms rolled across New York, we looked on as more and more flights on the departure board were cancelled. As the early afternoon became mid to late evening and it became apparent our still scheduled flight was not going to leave we scrambled for an alternate flight out.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Taking our illegitimate place in the “Sky Miles” premium customer queue, we struck up conversation with a native Hoosier (person from Indianapolis) who was keen to return home from a European business trip. After a long wait in line we were told that Sunday would be our earliest chance to get a new flight.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>With my return flight scheduled for Sunday I quickly saw my dreams fading in front of my eyes.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> </span><br />
<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Enter Belgian business guy….</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyRqMEIHICQRMHMfFlsDBJv2UAzZvDk2NO6QzECtJbLZwUCTBW1oHICmUiZ6y3JRM19RJVDfeBCAHiu2UMn9htuJT2wx0NGzZZBhSMLlsA1nXatowJ8udPY00e6Vc0ncSzVg5aIgecsHmp/s1600/IMG_0708.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyRqMEIHICQRMHMfFlsDBJv2UAzZvDk2NO6QzECtJbLZwUCTBW1oHICmUiZ6y3JRM19RJVDfeBCAHiu2UMn9htuJT2wx0NGzZZBhSMLlsA1nXatowJ8udPY00e6Vc0ncSzVg5aIgecsHmp/s320/IMG_0708.JPG" width="239" /></a></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>With a friend waiting to pick him up in Indy he managed to secure a seat on a flight to Ohio and somehow convince the attendant to provide seats for both myself and the Indy local.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At this point I was just about open to anything, so at nearly midnight I boarded an unscheduled flight to a strange city in the company of another international visitor, not knowing what lay ahead.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAta7tXYJ_UVf4sgDhosa83HPCJY6eYg8Wg4agawV75QGJ4v27vxqXN9hxXgytWMKTSdMQXeXC62IQ4rv07z3GYvSYpEspd-orTrU2-rxio0hZMj1AmlVN-43NpGRU6QdzchC9q4cVbSds/s1600/Delta2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAta7tXYJ_UVf4sgDhosa83HPCJY6eYg8Wg4agawV75QGJ4v27vxqXN9hxXgytWMKTSdMQXeXC62IQ4rv07z3GYvSYpEspd-orTrU2-rxio0hZMj1AmlVN-43NpGRU6QdzchC9q4cVbSds/s320/Delta2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">A little over two hours later we arrived at Columbus International airport in Ohio to be greeted by the Belgians friend in his brand new VW. </span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPcn3o8nXLWRyHATRl1mTjpXluyScPMwG5a-BsW4FljNqY1izchAKDk8DRQqt4JG-AC5yKO9MSfdCaD0G4CPX-nUOIHkwLtYtUcBaQgcPkP5m9Hq_QJAYxL5RVDQCDdtIob_aJzMnPyDrP/s1600/IMG_0709.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPcn3o8nXLWRyHATRl1mTjpXluyScPMwG5a-BsW4FljNqY1izchAKDk8DRQqt4JG-AC5yKO9MSfdCaD0G4CPX-nUOIHkwLtYtUcBaQgcPkP5m9Hq_QJAYxL5RVDQCDdtIob_aJzMnPyDrP/s320/IMG_0709.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So there I was, road-tripping hundreds of miles across state lines in the company of complete strangers to Indianapolis. </span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A little after 4AM local time I arrived at a gas station in deserted Indiana and bid farewell to my foreign friends and waited. Following a series of early morning calls my friend Mike began his journey across state to pick me up.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> </span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">Here...</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD82sWMYtbyu9sv26mCbDy9fjRqyMrv8HJ3HufuGRpqSDSumrpvQh6fx7n4UlrzZH2TlfeQWYhLWcHRViwIk9lhvUSya2pNRjyU2VOo-MEdzukVJha1lMLRgguk1sY4LozWYPtd0oopI3e/s1600/IMG_0711.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD82sWMYtbyu9sv26mCbDy9fjRqyMrv8HJ3HufuGRpqSDSumrpvQh6fx7n4UlrzZH2TlfeQWYhLWcHRViwIk9lhvUSya2pNRjyU2VOo-MEdzukVJha1lMLRgguk1sY4LozWYPtd0oopI3e/s320/IMG_0711.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"></span> </div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So what is the moral of this long and drawn out tale….</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That sometimes life’s curve balls provide opportunities to achieve things beyond our wildest dreams. In wandering down strange and unexplored passages, we can uncover friends and experiences that last a life time.</span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It was only one weekend. It was only one flight and it was only a chance happening but I shall forever remember that weekend and the hospitality shown to me by Mike and his wonderful wife</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeHaOtRrgJ-gbEbN-OSPHFXE9EDCpKuhnMoOmMXM7e59fM7XH2V-WCWTM0puvQVjTuKnRldt9AEDoYFo6Pz-pLqJFD0ixivCZF0wLVR5fqe0Q9FRqH9aWnJ4kCjOBFNLge-KhsO39LZVKo/s1600/IMG_0742.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeHaOtRrgJ-gbEbN-OSPHFXE9EDCpKuhnMoOmMXM7e59fM7XH2V-WCWTM0puvQVjTuKnRldt9AEDoYFo6Pz-pLqJFD0ixivCZF0wLVR5fqe0Q9FRqH9aWnJ4kCjOBFNLge-KhsO39LZVKo/s320/IMG_0742.JPG" width="239" /></a></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"></span><br />
<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"></span><br />
<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">Friends for life are worth traveling for. They are worth hurting for and they are worth sacrificing for. They have helped me through some of my greatest challenges and shaped the person that I am today. Though distance, time and place separate many of us thank you to all of my friends for being the amazing people that you are...</span></div>
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Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-22532284517764494212012-09-02T18:29:00.002+08:002012-09-02T18:29:58.253+08:00We interrupt our regular programmingIn the vain of all sensational news flashes, this week I decided to interrupt all scheduled broadcasting and make a couple of out of character decisions.<br />
<br />
I take change seriously and I despise stagnation. Daily life and routine seems only to breed more of the same in my life. Work, TV, sleep, work....on and on <em>ad infinitum</em> punctuated by the occassional <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cl1ljapmX7I" target="_blank">life changing event</a> in the company of inspirational folk.<br />
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It's easy to let life pass by and in the process miss opportunities for the sake of comfort and convenience. So often it is a case of "better the devil you know". Inertia is a powerful force and so often I can feel it strangling the life out of my bones. <br />
<br />
While it is not possible to re-invent the wheel, this week I made some attempts at making mine more aero-dynamic. I long for more spontaneity, for more moments of insanity and acts of random stupidity. I want to be random in the true sense of the word.<br />
<br />
So what's with the vaguaries? <br />
<br />
Details at this pont are sketchy and it is not yet possible to guage whether my "decisions" will bear any fruit but the line has been drawn. From this point, normal is out the door. I will continue to sing loudly and out of tune to classic 80s tracks, I will get up and go to work in the morning, the sun will rise in the East but it will rise on a different me. <br />
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I will break the mould and I wll be unpredictable..Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-52223912950809806962012-08-28T17:06:00.003+08:002012-08-28T17:06:35.261+08:00Those were our young yearsI keep returning to my high school graduation day and dreaming. It may be the romance of a past era, it might be the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juD7qr4wt3E" target="_blank">words of an 80s track</a> reverberating but no matter what it is, the dream is there...<br /> <br />I remember the mixed feelings of regret and excitement all playing together in some kind of weird symphony....the kind you'd get when an orchestra backs Guns N' Roses.<br /><br />I want the feeling back that I'm on the verge of a new and exciting adventure. The dream that life could take me anywhere and the hope of developing a new identity.<br /> <br />Strange to say, two decades out of high school I still long to be my own person. It seems that life has just happened to me for so long and I have not been pro-active in making things happen. <br /> <br />Things need to change. Radically <br /> <br />I have never been a fan of change for change sake but it seems there is too much more to be experienced than lives inside my tiny bubble.<br /> <br />Herein lies the problem.<br /> <br />I have a mild work addiction. <br />
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In my attempt to rebuilt my life I have spent nearly every waking moment either at work or thinking about getting back there. I'm all for being fiscally responsible but the process is grinding me down and there are moments when I feel I could explode unless something changes.<br /> <br />I like the structure that a busy work life brings. I like planning for holidays way down the track to give me something to look forward to. In fact, I have already enjoyed two of such holidays, one of which I wrote about <a href="http://www.diabetesdaily.com/voices/2011/11/words-fail-me/" target="_blank">here</a>. Walking the streets of America and sharing coffee and diet coke with friends are experiences I shall never forget. What I long for is more of that excitement and spontaneity amongst the daily grind.<br />
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The mountain top moments must remain but the valleys must be raised. <br />
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Onward and upward....Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-78143060618247493192012-08-26T19:50:00.000+08:002012-08-26T19:52:49.469+08:00A place to call my own<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">I don’t know where it all began but I continue searching for a place to call my own. A place where I am known and understood and I am me in all of my imperfections..</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I need a “Cheers” theme song playing </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-mi0r0LpXo&noredirect=1"><span style="font-size: large;">here</span></a><span style="font-size: large;">..</span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Throughout the busy days at work and as I lay myself down to sleep I hear the chorus repeating softly in my mind….<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; font-style: italic; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;">”You want to be where you can see, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; font-style: italic; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;">Our troubles are all the same; <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; font-style: italic; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;">You want to be where everybody knows your name. “<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For as long as I can remember insecurity and self doubt have been my constant companions. I hear their unwelcome footsteps creeping behind me at the most inopportune moments. In the middle of conversation or on the way to meet up with friends, I hear them whisper in my ear. I see my failings and shortcomings amplified as never before and immediately feel out of place and awkward.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"></span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Expectations and responsibilities terrify me. No matter how many times I perform a task, I feel that I’m building myself up for a fall; for the unavoidable moment when I am expected to do it and fail. These doubts have been the building blocks of my personal and professional life and they are impossible to shake</span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I sit in rooms full of people and drift off into another world. I see groups of folks who seem to understand their place and are comfortable with it. People getting on with their lives and making sense of the madness; overcoming adversity<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">to make a new life and then left to confront the reality that is being me.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> </span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For a long time I’ve secretly hoped someone would appear out of nowhere with the answer. I am prone to wandering glances and hopeful looks, waiting for </span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; font-style: italic; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";">that</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"> person. As time goes by however, I have learned to live with the uncertainty. I am what I am and there is a certain amount of solace in continuing with the status quo.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ansi-language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So many unresolved questions remain. And here they shall play out….</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua"; language: en-US; mso-ascii-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-cyrillic-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-default-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-greek-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latin-font-family: "Book Antiqua"; mso-latinext-font-family: "Book Antiqua";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-29280928925170459052011-04-04T20:21:00.002+08:002011-04-04T20:21:16.944+08:00The Struggle<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua; font-size: medium;">Sometimes the words seem to come at 100 miles an hour at others they are a dribble, a real strive in fact.<br />
<br />
When I originally began blogging in October I had so much on my mind...just so much. It wasn’t the normal kind of lifestyle “stuff”, I’m talking more in terms of “</span><a href="http://www.diabetesdaily.com/forum/blogs/simon-from-the-70s/5276-single-unattatched-male-baggage" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6666ff; font-family: Book Antiqua; font-size: medium;">baggage</span></a><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">” or unprocessed mess in my mind. So much of it was diabetes related. It related to complications that have and still do rack my body, in addition to the added mental stress of a manually operated pancreas. I arrived in the DOC a complete package of …..of…...need.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">I understand that some folk have an almost superhuman ability to overcome adversity, whose sense of optimism (or whatever else) sees them push through at any cost. I am unfortunately not one of those people. For me things tend to move slowly. Unlike the words of a blog post which can sometimes roll of the mind, I am very slow at making headway into long standing and difficult issues. In truth sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees and progress is very hard to notice.</span><br />
</span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">Reflecting on a whirlwind six months I am happy to announce that I can see some movement. It is patchy, inconsistent and unpredictable but there is some movement. The emotional dark clouds of diabetes that brought me on line have shown some signs of dissipating but I am all to aware that the wounded dog is often more dangerous than the healthy one. I remain cautious and guarded...uncertain I guess <br />
<br />
I am amazed at how so many wonderful people in the DOC have accepted me. In stark contrast to my home environment, I am at my most normal being who I am here...diabetic. I appreciate that the illness is not meant to be definitive but I lived through a long period of denial and found that so much more destructive. The feeling of belonging and connection is, in all honesty, irreplaceable. It is the cool sea breeze after a hot summers day and the last quarter come from behind win from my favourite sports team.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">I have posted before about how complications skew my perspective. I feel like I let the team down in a sense by having so many things wrong. I can run great BGs yet the issues remain, worse still I can have body and <acronym title="blood glucose">BG</acronym> issues running concurrently. Growing up I was always one of the “good” kids in class, I would never have dreamed that by my mid thirties my body would be such a mess BUT those are the facts, now I am trying to move beyond them. I am placing my marker flag down and taking things one yard at a time….sometimes the whole ten is just too far ahead.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">For now I am celebrating the great people of the DOC. I am accepting the inconsistencies of diabetes and struggling along with my less than perfect body. I am learning to take my eyes off the things I cannot change and just enjoy what remains, great people, amazing stories and a healthy serving of inspiration.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">The struggle goes on but now it is not alone. It is struggle with purpose...struggle to get through to another day to read another story. To discover how my friends are faring, to read of their victories with diabetes and of their struggles, to feel inspired, to feel the heartbreak but most of all to feel the connection.</span></span>Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-2335179484180932392011-04-04T20:19:00.002+08:002011-04-04T20:19:29.902+08:00The scars that bind<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">The moments seem to come and go with constant regularity of late. I feel on the verge of making some big decisions and I back away, sometimes slowly, sometimes even unwillingly but nonetheless back away. A step at a time, fast enough to not have to reconsider but slow enough to deceive myself that I never really reached a crossroad.<br />
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The baggage is unmistakable to me and I am masterful at hiding it. I dust the shelves to rid my mind of the memories, I sweep things under the carpet, I lock more skeletons in the closet but still they appear. I have “grown” to both expect and loathe their company.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">Finding words to lift and inspire when everything seems to be going wrong is never an easy thing to do. I am the first to crawl deeper under the blankets and hide. If I am not hiding well you might find me running...probably sprinting in fact, doing all I can to escape. Familiarity has made me a little numb to be truthful. I learn to live with unresolved issues and problems. I move and shift them around just enough to prevent them collapsing...for one more day. If I just inch that to this side, move this over here, ignore that nightmare low, disregard that unflinching high then I will get through until tomorrow.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">If it’s not life in general, it is diabetes, if not diabetes it is life in general. Problems, mistakes, miscalculations, anger, rage and guilt. Bitterness, blame, abuse, self pity and isolation. Just a few of the words, some of the sentiments but they too are imperfect. They hint at the problem, provide an insight but the real words are elusive. They swirl around in some mysterious cloud just out of reach, taunting me to stretch for them, to define them.</span></span><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">If time in the diabetes wilderness has taught me one thing, it is that not much is normal and not a lot of things make sense. My body stands as a testimony to the fact. I share medical wards with people twice my age in better physical shape. They read eye charts I struggle to see. They do exercises I can no longer manage. I fail my own and others’ expectations with monotonous regularity..</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">These are some of my scars. I have mine and you may have yours. They need not become objects of shame and isolation. They need not be swept under carpets or whispered about in poorly lit rooms. They are part of what makes me me and you, you. When all is going wrong and diabetes makes no sense sometimes all that remains are scars They are the scars of life with a chronic illness and emotional rollercoaster rides but in community they are the scars that bind. </span></span></span>Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-75578870722298219742011-04-04T20:17:00.002+08:002011-04-04T20:17:39.638+08:00In spite of diabetes<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua; font-size: medium;">Contemplating the greatest thing I have done in spite of diabetes is something I am battling with. I consider the many great things achieved by the many great people in the DOC and I am quite frankly amazed and left in awe. So many amazing people, so many accomplishments... and personalities that seem to leap off my computer screen.<br />
<br />
I have come to diabetes via a slightly different road. Initially misdiagnosed as a <acronym title="type 2 diabetic">T2</acronym> and having spent a good while avoiding the issue by the time my diagnosis was corrected I was lying almost unconscious in ER with severe <acronym title="diabetic ketoacidosis">DKA</acronym> and a raft of complications. In my twenties I was nearly blind in both eyes, with severe neuropathy and a range of other issues. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Survival….I admit it is not much of an achievement but my story has not yet ended….I write a new chapter each and every day. I wake with a spring in my step I never had. I open my once near blind eyes and take in the daylight. I hop in my car and go for a drive, I take a walk along the beach at sunset, I let the cold rain wash over me on a humid and sticky day. These are not achievements to hang my hat on. They are not things I plan on sharing with my kids should the time come but I look towards a better day. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">For now the story goes on. I have found in the DOC a community of people I love and cherish. I am motivated like never before to preserve what is left in my failing body. Each and every day I “meet” and converse with amazing people doing great things. I drink in their wit on Twitter. I read their blog posts, I hear their voices and I grin, no...I laugh. I look at the person I was and who I now feel I am and can’t help but celebrate.</span> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">In all honesty I don’t know if my body will ever be close to what it should be but that is no longer an issue. I am not laying down, I am not surrendering and I am not giving in. I am standing my ground and I am going to move forward. Surrounded and supported by an amazing community the only way is up.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Mine is no fairytale story, you will not find it recorded in any leaflet lying around at your endocrinologists office but it goes on, one day at a time. The introduction and the early chapters have passed and the greatest thing I have done in spite of diabetes I do each and every day….I wake up and when the stresses and strains of daily life begin to flood my mind I look back. I look at the carnage, I look at the confusion, I look at the defeat and I see a new day dawning in all of its brilliance. I see the sunshine, I see the rain and I interact with the most incredible network of friends and support I could ever have dreamed for.</span></span>Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-51652766688296813272011-04-04T20:13:00.002+08:002011-04-04T20:13:57.317+08:00If your life were a movie<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">If your life were a movie the main character would be inspirational. Yours would be no ordinary tale. It would be rich and complex. A story of heartache, of success and of struggle. It would be the story of all men with a unique twist. It would be intensely personal and yet easily related to. There would be wheels within wheels, moments of suspense, moments of intrigue and moments of mundane boredom.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">If your life were a movie it would be a classic. Critics would herald the storyline as timeless. There would be episodes of failure and moments where all seemed lost. Broken relationships and dreams would be scattered amongst life long friendships and fulfilled ambitions. To you the failures would seem monumental but they would teach valuable lessons, they would inspire and they would bring many to tears.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">If your life were a movie it would be billed as a blockbuster. It would screen to full houses with advanced bookings required. It would be both an art-house and main stream success. Audiences would leave with different impressions. To some it would speak of overcoming against the odds, to others, the inconvenience of battling a chronic illness and others still would find strength in identifying with the story….all would be right.</span><br />
</span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">If your life were a movie, diabetes would be presented as it really is, sometimes invisible yet always present. At times it would take centre stage, at others it would not even be noticed. There would be high times and low times, success and failure, moments of confusion and moments of lucidity. Within the same story would lie unexplained contradictions and a multitude of loose ends. <br />
<br />
In the process of making any movie there are mistakes. Scripts are written and re-written, scenes are shot and re-shot and sometimes in the process, people are hurt. Insults shouted in anger, linger and off handed remarks are taken with more meaning than intended. These are all hidden parts of a long production process. It is a process of refinement, of editing and of fine tuning.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">The fullness of your story will never show in the mirror. It is not reflected in any A1C or reading on a glucometer. It is a tale forged from living with a chronic illness. It is learned from bitter experience and harsh realities, in the school of hard knocks. Swinging blood glucose, mixed emotions, guilt and loss are all key ingredients. Those things that we shy away from are what draw others to us. In our battles they find themselves, in our failures they find strength and from our success they draw inspiration.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">Diabetes is an unpredictable part of life which requires constant vigilance and monitoring. These are simple truths but they are not the whole picture. The whole picture is contained in the blogs and journals of countless individuals. They are retold in vivid detail and with heartfelt honesty. They are your stories and they are mine. Some are written and many are yet to be.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">No... your life may never be a movie. The stories played out in your everyday life no writer would dare pen and no director, dream of casting!</span></span>Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-78554712618358885702011-04-04T20:12:00.000+08:002011-04-04T20:12:05.549+08:00Sometimes you can't make it on your own. The things nobody told me<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua; font-size: medium;">Fresh back from a fantastic walk I still have the words from the U2 hit "Sometimes you can't make it on your own" ringing in my head...<br />
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"Listen to me now</span><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">I need to let you know</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">You don't have to go it alone...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Sometimes you can't make it on your own"</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Diabetes can be a very lonely illness. It can remain hidden from outside view yet must remain in the forefront of sufferers minds 24/7. Most of us enjoy the occassional day off of work, a public holiday, a vacation...a day at the game where we can leave behind the cares of life. Unfortunately we carry our diabetes with us everywhere. For me my meter, test strips, jelly beans and insulin are never far behind. Wherever I go, they will follow. It's not a choice, not really even an afterthought but a necessity.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Never was the proverb "A problem shared is a proble halved" more appropriate than in coping with Diabetes...never was it truer that with Diabetes, "Sometimes you can'tmake it on your own".</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Admitting to a shortcoming is never easy to do. Putting your hand up and saying that something is just too hard can be a humiliating experience at times. I admire people who seem to be able to address all of their issues head on without flinching but I am not one of those people. I have learned to admit it and I am proud to say that opening up to my need is helping to lessen it. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">It is OK to admit to struggling with Diabetes. It is OK to struggle with motivation. It is OK to throw your hands up in frustration when it doesn't make sense...sometimes it just doesn't. Sometimes you put your best foot forward, do everything you possibly can and still shoot a 200+. That does not make you a diabetic failure, that makes you normal, yes that's right normal. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">If like me at times, you are finding things hard that need not be the endgame. Reach out your hands and ask for help. There are many people going through the same struggles at various points in the journey. There are people out there who understand, there are people out there who care and yes there are people out there to take you by the hand and walk you through what may seem a dense forest.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">With so many complications hitting me at a young age I got so down on myself so quickly. I lost nearly all sense of hope and purpose.....then I found others just like me, the same age going through the same complications; some struggling, some triumphing and some just asking questions like "why". Being part of a larger group doesn't take away the day to day physical struggle BUT it does motivate me. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Admitting to a need is not failure, it opens the door to real freedom. There is strength in numbers to overcome, there is strength to help you along today no matter where you are in the journey.</span></span><!-- google_ad_section_end --><!-- google_ad_section_end -->Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-15354366750340916622011-04-04T20:09:00.002+08:002011-04-04T20:09:53.378+08:00Single Unattatched male. With baggage<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua; font-size: medium;">Well, there it is...I've said it out loud..<br />
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I carry with me a lot of baggage.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm not proud of it, I don't really want to advertise it but it's there. Wherever I go, every conversation I enter into, every blog I read, every song I listen to, my perspective is twisted by unprocessed baggage. From off handed remarks made to me from friends, to insults hurled at me from enemies, I am a slow healer and thus a baggage "accumulator".</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">For me the scars of living with Diabetes run deep and wide. Like the disease though, the emotional scars are well hidden. I do my best to camoflauge them. I celebrate a good run of blood sugars, I rejoice in a healthy A1C, I even enjoy choosing healthy food once in a while <span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">BUT beneath that there are dark shadows. There is the little addressed fact that diabetes is an "emotional" more than physical disease.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Diabetes "messes" with my mind as much as with my body. I am sick of all of the science talk. Carb counting can take a hike. My cholesterol levels can leap from a plane for all I care, I just want it known, addressed by a HP even, that there is an emotional toll being paid by me and I'm sure some of you. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">My inner voice cries out "suck it up...be a man" but still the toll remains. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">To be honest I don't really know what I want. I don't want hugs and kisses of sympathy from every person I meet. There are millions of others suffereing serious debillitating illnesses who go about their days with cheer and a smile. I don't want an excuse to justify my shortcomings and failings (which are many), I just want to let my guard down once in a while and cry like a baby....cry me a river..cry, cry and when I am done being miserable be miserable some more. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I want to find voice for the hidden pain. I want to let it out.</span></span>Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-3892325598579609692011-04-04T20:08:00.000+08:002011-04-04T20:08:05.229+08:00You carry me and I will carry you<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua; font-size: medium;">Perhaps never more so than today, have I felt connected. <br />
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The DOC is a very strange place and I must admit to approaching all "social media" with a degree of scepticism. I have only recently begun to enter the 21st centuy technologically. Whilst I have had a computer for some time, I have remained proud of being a kind of "Luddite"...old school..brought up at a time when kids were kids, playing meant sliding in the dirt and a social gathering was a picnic with family and friends at the park.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I loved that time of my life. It was a combination of both the innocence and freedom of a sheltered childhood (which I might add was Diabetes free) and the fun of playing with friends. I guess to some extent everyone lucky enough to grow up in a good home remembers their younger days fondly but I do particularly so. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">At the risk of sounding like an old grandparent (in my mid 30s) I love handwritten letters, I love meeting one on one and I love conversations where everything is laid on the table. That time where close friends share their innermost thoughts and fears looking to help each other out. That process I have always thought was organic. You can't plan to sit down with someone and have D&M (Deep and Meaningful), it just happens. Those times I have shared with friends remain and always will, some of my lifes most treasured memories. I both loved them in the past tense and LONG for them in the future. I am not ashamed to admit that I hate playing "nicities". I hate superficial relationships. I understand that everybody has acquaintances, work colleagues and then their friends I just seem to long for more friends and less acquaintances.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">With that said I am still very weary of online "lives". I am not a part of Facebook and have only recently began to dip my toes in the world of Twitter. I long for face to face contact and I will always hold that view. Herein lies the contradiction.... I am posting an online blog.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Never before have I felt so supported by complete strangers as I do in the Diabetes Online Community. I am only very new to it and I know so very few of you but I love the transparency of its members...their "nakedness" as it were. Whether it be the vail of anonymity that writing online brings or just the people involved, I have found something in others blogs and forum posts that inspire me. Here everyone is united in a common struggle. We all share each others pain. We all endure roller-coaster BGLs at times and we all live with some kind of sword (named complications) hanging over our heads. You know how I feel and I know how you feel. Even in uspoken words we are together....Regardless of whether we never meet just reading your struggles can be inspiring. Connecting. Refreshing. Regenerating. I will always long for more moments of personal contact but in the mean time...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;">You carry me and I WILL carry you.</span></span><!-- google_ad_section_end --><!-- google_ad_section_end -->Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-14147811121442868012011-04-04T20:05:00.000+08:002011-04-04T20:05:24.395+08:00In celebration of the DOC<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">I don’t know if it’s the blind optimism that comes with New Year but something within me is looking to shout out in celebration<br />
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This post has really been six months in the making. In many ways it is just like diabetes management, full of inexplicable contradictions. It is both extremely easy and very difficult to write at the same time. The words flow from my mind in a jumbled mess as I try (probably unsuccessfully) to put them into some kind of coherent prose.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">It all began with reading a simple online blog. After a long time in the diabetes “wilderness” post diagnosis I found myself swamped with feelings of guilt and isolation. Not only did I find diabetes almost impossible to talk to my friends about...things just did not always work the way they were meant to. It seemed that I was destined to be a “diabetic failure” always getting things wrong.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">My exposure to the DOC showed me for the first time that the feelings of “inadequacy” and “guilt” were perfectly normal in diabetes. From one blog I came across another, then another, until finally I came to the “showcase” the real jewel in the DOC crown...The (US Eastern time) Wednesday evening <a href="http://twitter.com/DiabetesSocMed" onclick="_gaq.push(['_trackEvent', 'Outgoing', 'twitter.com', '/DiabetesSocMed']);" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6666ff;">DSMA</span></a> Twitter chat with a huge shout out to its fearless moderator <a href="http://twitter.com/Diabetic_Iz_Me" onclick="_gaq.push(['_trackEvent', 'Outgoing', 'twitter.com', '/Diabetic_Iz_Me']);" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6666ff;">Cherise</span></a>. Here was a place where I immediately felt at home. Here I found tens, even hundreds of people, all feeling exactly the same way as I did, battling with the same emotions, suffering similar defeats and winning similar victories. Here diabetes was talked about candidly and approached with a sense of humor that came from so many great and colorful personalities all interacting in real time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">This encounter however has led me to an unexpected problem in my personal surroundings. Amongst my circle of acquaintances chronic illness is a thing of great shame, a shame that heaped “guilt” on top of the normal problems of my diabetes management. Meeting so many great people online has taught me that there is indeed no shame in diabetes. Whilst it is certainly no cause for celebration, it is nothing to feel “guilty” about. This has left me in a kind of awkward position. I am no longer content to hide my diabetes from those around me. I want the feeling of glorious normality” I get from the DSMA chat to extend to my everyday life...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">In many ways my blog has been the first point of connection between me “the diabetic” and the me amongst my acquaintances. Here, alone in my room, I feel I can freely address the good and bad side of living with diabetes on a daily basis. I don’t really know if anyone actually reads what I write but the release is tangible. Writing helps me to feel connected to so many others I have met in the DOC, for I find my words echoed in their blogs and vice versa. Diabetes is truly an illness best treated in “community”. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">Insulin and fingersticks may well be essential accessories to healthy living (survival even) but there is no feeling like that of connection. The knowledge that I am not some kind of “freak” or “failure” is one that no medical text book or endocrinologist could (or will) ever impart. The more blogs I read and the more twitter chats I take part in, the more I feel the chains breaking. I am no world beater, (in fact I have faced several diabetic complications) but in “community I am one of many. I am strengthened by the struggles of others, I am renewed by your victories, I am brought to tears with your loss and I am led to uncontrollable laughter by your irony and sense of humor.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">The DOC is a place of reality and humanity. As another year begins I am honoured to start it with those of you I have met online. Thank you for accepting me as I am and for the first time since diagnosis in a hospital A&E making me feel “normal”</span><br />
</span>Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-9423704133397923732011-04-04T20:03:00.000+08:002011-04-04T20:03:08.000+08:00Writing the next chapter<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">His day began as normal, just another day with diabetes. Another fingerstick, another injection, breakfast and then in the car and off to work. There was an eerie sense of déjà-vu he hadn’t been able to shake ever since his diagnosis. It was the same routine just a different day.<br />
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She had commenced her afternoon in the usual fashion. It was an unremarkable subway ride home in The Big City. She had food on her mind, an unflinching high blood glucose, some bills to pay and hopefully at the end of the chaos, some time to post on her blog.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">His lunch break came around all too slowly. Diabetes hadn’t really changed his eating habits but it was taking its toll in other ways. With every meal he faced the usual dilemma over how much to bolus and how to go on fighting “his war”- for that is what it had become to him, a private war...a lonely war, just him, his insulin and a three monthly <acronym title="endocrinologist">endo</acronym>. visit..</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">She arrived home to a quiet house. Her husband was away on business, so she had some time to herself. Almost unconsciously she turned on her computer and headed to the kitchen to open the fridge. Despite many years of experience she never considered herself a master at selecting insulin doses. She was still shaken from last nights low so she decided to proceed cautiously with dinner</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">His work day ended much as it had every day for the past five years. He locked up the shop and headed home. He had never thought he needed people but something about diabetes, found him withdrawing from his usual circle of friends. He felt misunderstood. He was alone. He wanted sympathy but most of all he just wanted someone to understand...to understand the war, to speak his unspoken words and validate his feelings of confusion and loss.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">By the time she sat down at her computer it was nearly midnight. Her blog was essentially a journal of her life. She talked about her day at work and the inconvenience of living with diabetes. It was a part of her routine but it had never ceased to be tiresome. She chronicled her anger at yesterdays misjudged bolus, her </span></span><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">fears of an upcoming <acronym title="endocrinologist">endo</acronym> visit and plans for the week ahead. It had seemed a fairly unremarkable entry to her but she posted it and headed off to bed. It had been a long night and she had another hectic day ahead.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">As a last resort and in desperation he headed on-line in an attempt to make sense of things. His family hadn’t been interested, his local doctor knew only A1Cs, lipids and insulin but he knew the mental toll diabetes was taking. He was skeptical to begin with. He browsed through so many listings about wonder cures, healthy living with diabetes, diabetes this and diabetes that, until he stumbled upon </span><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><i>her</i></span><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"> blog As he read he felt the tears running down his face. Page after page he read, seconds turned into minutes and minutes into hours as he found </span><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"><i>his</i></span><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;"> experiences retold in her words. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">They lived on opposite sides of the planet yet somehow he had felt an overwhelming connection. It was well after midnight when he went to bed but that night he had a spring in his step. That night he was understood. That night someone had put words to his thoughts, had described his low blood sugar, his confusion and his anger. The next day the routine would be no different but he had found himself understood and with that, in a strange way renewed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">This is my personal account. My version of how I came to find a home in the DOC. Your stories are writing the next chapter. Somewhere out there, the next me is looking for you. The irreplaceable “diabetic” you. They want to hear your story as only you can tell it. You might hear their muted cries in the form of a blog response or tweet. You may unknowingly pass them by in cyberspace as you read the same stories but they are there…. and they are looking.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">The battle to find a cure goes on in laboratories around the world but the real life stories of people affected by diabetes are yours and they are mine. Within and without the DOC are people longing for connection and understanding. You may not have the power to find a cure but you have your story. It is a story of heartache, of defeat and of triumph at the same time. It is played out in the events of everyday life and it, like you, is so valuable.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">You may well be writing the next chapter in someone elses life.</span></span><br />
</span>Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4654842586160638765.post-65166728247654680912011-04-04T20:00:00.000+08:002011-04-04T20:00:09.728+08:00Right at this moment<span style="font-family: Book Antiqua; font-size: medium;">Right at this moment a mothers heart is broken. She has just received the news that her beloved child has diabetes. She is cut to the quick...scared, confused, apprehensive and terrified all at the same time. Questions flood her mind, unanswered questions and unspoken fears.<br />
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Right at this moment a young woman’s confidence has been shattered. Looking down at her glucometer she is shocked by the number staring back at her.. She is confused, a little shaken and on the verge of burn-out. Questions flood her mind, unanswered questions and unspoken fears.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">Right at this moment a business man has come to a stop in the middle of his working day. The symptoms of low blood sugars have hit hard. He has a big presentation to make. He has clients to see and his boss is on his tail about performance issues. Questions flood his mind, unanswered questions and unspoken fears.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">Right at this moment a child is in pain. His fingers have been battered and bruised from endless fingersticks. He is sick of enduring the endless requirement of needle after needle. He is sick of being different from all of his classmates. He longs to fit in, to be accepted. Questions flood his mind, unanswered questions and unspoken fears.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">Right at this moment a café worker is struggling with diabetes “burn-out”. She can’t bear another day of routine, she can’t be bothered thinking about the illness that will kill her if left untreated. She reaches for her insulin but in a moment of rage throws it away. She is at a crossroad. Questions flood her mind, unanswered questions and unspoken fears.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">Right at this moment a young man has received his best A1C since diagnosis. Months of hard work, discipline and attention to detail have brought him to this point. He wants to shout out in excitement. He wants nothing more than someone who can understand the joy he feels. He looks to his non-diabetic friends and they are not interested. Questions flood his mind, unanswered questions and unspoken fears.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">Right at this moment a young lady has received the news that she has developed severe retinopathy. The diabetic complications that she had heard so much about have arrived at her door. She feels that her future is gone, that life will no longer be worth living. Questions flood her mind, unanswered questions and unspoken fears..</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">At some point in our lives each of us have been <i>that </i>person. Some days we are winners, some days we are losers. Some days we fight with all that is in us, others we raise the white flag at the first hint of trouble. These are just moments in time, snapshots of our lives with diabetes. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">From that low point we have rebuilt and made tomorrow a better day. From that bad news at the eye clinic we have found a fresh hope for the future. Conversely we have each thrown our hands up confused and bewildered by a blood sugar reading. We have given up the fight and prepared to just lie down in defeat.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">In all of these moments we are just ordinary people, people living with diabetes. It is from these moments that we can be of greatest help. Somewhere in the DOC or in your community, someone is looking for <i>you. </i>They need to hear your experience, they need to know of your pain. They are not looking for long complex medical discourse, they are not even necessarily looking for the answers they are just looking for validation, the knowledge that at that moment in time someone is living their pain, riding the crest of the same wave or trapsing along the valley floor, defeated and broken.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">You may think that you have nothing to offer. That you are just plain old ordinary you, but you are so much more. You are the person in whom I identified and found the strength to fight on. Your comment on my post made me feel a part of something bigger, connected, even worthwhile. Your tweet so brief touched base with me so deeply and brought a smile to my face. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Book Antiqua;">Right at this moment you can be the greatest diabetes advocate by just being you.</span></span><!-- google_ad_section_end --><!-- google_ad_section_end -->Simon from the 70shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07026375941112303194noreply@blogger.com0